Relationships

Recently I had a young woman tell me her marriage relationship had gotten stale and so she and her husband were hoping to get away for a purely fun day. I understand what she meant, although I would be more likely to say marriage becomes a habit—a good habit. We all seem to long for that extra zip, the energy, the passion that was there in the beginning. But life becomes busy and feelings are almost buried beneath all our activity.

But we also find that eventually in our familial relationships. We know we love our parents, but our emotions remain fairly steady. And those babies we couldn't stop kissing, the toddlers who bring so much joy we just want to hug them, those children we continue to smother with hugs and kisses even when their heads smell sweaty—they grow to be surly teenagers often shrugging off our attempts at affection. Then they get busy with their own lives. We still love them, but the feelings are no longer I-want-to-run-up-and-hug-them!

But there are ways we can keep our relationships alive and healthy even when not mushy and gushy. Quality time is essential—time that allows us to keep communication flowing, time that simply enjoys companionship. Even our thought life affects our relationships: Are we dwelling on the positive or the negative? When our teens become surly, do we forget the sweet things they still manage? Of course, part of their surliness is their need to begin moving away from dependence on parents, to begin making their own decisions, to begin preparing for independent adulthood.

I believe the same thing applies to our spiritual relationships. We have those mountaintop experiences and then we plunge into a deep valley. Our devotional time becomes obligatory time. Being a child of God saved by grace becomes a habit. What happened to the awe? When did the excitement disappear? The excitement that spilled over, causing us to share with everyone we met.

Quality time is so essential, but sometimes even that becomes habitual, stale. And spiritual development takes faith as well as time because our God is invisible. But the evidence of God is all around us. Take time to revel in His creation—the starry sky, the miracle of birth, the beauty of changing seasons...  Yes, there are times when winter is brown and drab, the verdant beauty of summer is long past, the snow has melted and the sky is overcast. That's when I choose to thank God for a warm house, a hot cup of tea, faith in the return of spring.

And change up that devotional time. Perhaps a different location. Perhaps increasing the time you set aside. I like to read aloud and even pray aloud. Sometimes it's good just to journal, to write your own psalms of praise.

I believe that praise is crucial to a vital relationship. As a wife I can leave occasional notes of encouragement or thankfulness for my husband to find. I can (and should) write notes of appreciation to my children and even to my friends.

Keeping relationships vital is a choice. I found this morning's reading of Psalm 9 to be a perfect example.

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you;

I will sing praise to your name,

O Most High.

(Psalm 9: 1-2)

In each line I italicized the word "will" because I see that as an active choice. I realize that actively, wholeheartedly thanking God is not ritualistic. No "thank you for my food and clothing and shelter", although they may be included in my list of specific things for which I am thankful. I want to think about each item for which I give thanks, to understand why I am thanking God for my food and clothing and shelter. I want to meditate on the great gift of salvation. I want to allow my mind to consider just who God is and why He is worthy of my praise.

As I shared in a previous post, Scripture can jump start my praise. I can turn words of praise into my own worship. I'll also go to the piano and use hymns and choruses for personal worship, which means I am paying attention to the words I am singing. 

Remember, however, that worship does not necessarily elicit an emotional high. Sometimes the result is simply a sense of peace, an acceptance of God Himself, a building of trust. 

The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high;

he will fill [me] with justice and righteousness,

he will be the stability of [my] times,

abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;

the fear of the Lord is [my] treasure.

(Isaiah 33:5-6, personalized)

"Stability". Not emotional swings. Some synonyms I find in my dictionary include tenacity, steadfastness, reliability, dependability. God is the source of my stability. I do exult in Him as I recount all His wonderful deeds,  but I also rest in Him who is my stability.