Love My Enemy? Really?
Have you ever had someone in your life who just seems to watch for you to trip up? Who is sweet to your face but talks about you behind your back? Who hasn't? I don't think I have such a person in my life at the moment, but a few years ago I did. And I wrote about my thoughts, about the hurt, about the effect God's transforming Word on my attitude. I want to share some of that here on this post.
The woman I wrote about was well-respected, was biblically well-versed, but she lacked compassion—at least for me. I saw her as the embodiment of 1 Corinthians 13:2, which reads, "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."
In fact, by associating her with that verse, I felt vindicated about my antipathy toward her. But any peace I gained from that thought was very temporary. With the next report of her comments criticizing me, all my feelings rushed back to the surface, feelings of bitterness and, I admit, even superiority. Yet I know those feelings were wrong.
As I talked to God about her, He brought Matthew 5:44 to my mind: "Pray for those who persecute you." Hmm. I considered her malicious gossip to be persecution. So I began praying for her.
"Lord, show her how wrong she is..."
"Lord, humble her..."
"Lord, make her suffer for hurting me..."
And I imagined all sorts of situations and conversations where she was humbled—no, humiliated. But I was ignoring the "Love your enemies" portion of that verse. Jesus said it. If I love Him, I must obey Him. I know love is a choice, but I didn't want to choose to love this back-stabber! Nor did I really know how.
So the Holy Spirit prompted me to look at her from the perspective of the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13). Here is what I wrote as God's Word began to transform my thoughts:
Love is patient... I guess that means I just have to put up with her barbs and backstabbing.
Love is kind... Well, that's not too hard. I can still behave kindly, even if I don't feel kind.
It does not envy... No problem! I certainly wouldn't want to be like her anyway!
It does not boast, it is not proud... Well, that's a little more difficult, especially when I long to vindicate myself before others. It's not that I think I'm better than she is... Well, maybe I do—at least I believe I have more compassion than she has.
It is not rude... I'm not rude! At least not out loud. But I sure can think of some pretty rude things to say during my imaginary conversations with her, with my perceived enemy!
It is not self-seeking... Oh, oh! Those imaginary conversations, those imaginary situations are designed to put her down and make me look good, make me look better than she is.
It is not easily angered... Well, I have to admit that the more I think about the things she has said and done, the madder I get. And every new thing I hear just make the anger rise more quickly.
It keeps no record of wrongs... I confess! I've not forgotten a single report I've received. I am determined to toss away the list of offenses and forget them.
Love does not delight in evil... But, oh, how I'd like to see her suffer just a little!
But rejoices in the truth... Especially if the truth might hurt her!
It always protects... I'm supposed to protect her? That means I can't rejoice in the truths that might hurt her? It means I have to protect the reputation I secretly long to destroy?
Always trusts... Now, isn't that going a little too far, Lord? After all, she's been backstabbing me with her critical, fault-finding tongue—and you expect me to trust her? Maybe I really have to start trusting You, trusting that You will work in her heart and life without interference from me.
Always hopes... I guess that doesn't mean to hope for revenge, does it? Maybe this hope is tied up in my trust in God.
Always perseveres... I guess that means I need to persevere in all the other aspects of love until my feelings catch up with my resolve, with my actions.
Love never fails... If I really love her the way God wants me to, my love will not fail even when I am under attack. In fact, loving her the way God does means I will seek her best instead of my own. Hmm. Not something I can do on my own, but something God can help me do because I want to obey Him.
The woman I wrote about was well-respected, was biblically well-versed, but she lacked compassion—at least for me. I saw her as the embodiment of 1 Corinthians 13:2, which reads, "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."
In fact, by associating her with that verse, I felt vindicated about my antipathy toward her. But any peace I gained from that thought was very temporary. With the next report of her comments criticizing me, all my feelings rushed back to the surface, feelings of bitterness and, I admit, even superiority. Yet I know those feelings were wrong.
As I talked to God about her, He brought Matthew 5:44 to my mind: "Pray for those who persecute you." Hmm. I considered her malicious gossip to be persecution. So I began praying for her.
"Lord, show her how wrong she is..."
"Lord, humble her..."
"Lord, make her suffer for hurting me..."
And I imagined all sorts of situations and conversations where she was humbled—no, humiliated. But I was ignoring the "Love your enemies" portion of that verse. Jesus said it. If I love Him, I must obey Him. I know love is a choice, but I didn't want to choose to love this back-stabber! Nor did I really know how.
So the Holy Spirit prompted me to look at her from the perspective of the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13). Here is what I wrote as God's Word began to transform my thoughts:
Love is patient... I guess that means I just have to put up with her barbs and backstabbing.
Love is kind... Well, that's not too hard. I can still behave kindly, even if I don't feel kind.
It does not envy... No problem! I certainly wouldn't want to be like her anyway!
It does not boast, it is not proud... Well, that's a little more difficult, especially when I long to vindicate myself before others. It's not that I think I'm better than she is... Well, maybe I do—at least I believe I have more compassion than she has.
It is not rude... I'm not rude! At least not out loud. But I sure can think of some pretty rude things to say during my imaginary conversations with her, with my perceived enemy!
It is not self-seeking... Oh, oh! Those imaginary conversations, those imaginary situations are designed to put her down and make me look good, make me look better than she is.
It is not easily angered... Well, I have to admit that the more I think about the things she has said and done, the madder I get. And every new thing I hear just make the anger rise more quickly.
It keeps no record of wrongs... I confess! I've not forgotten a single report I've received. I am determined to toss away the list of offenses and forget them.
Love does not delight in evil... But, oh, how I'd like to see her suffer just a little!
But rejoices in the truth... Especially if the truth might hurt her!
It always protects... I'm supposed to protect her? That means I can't rejoice in the truths that might hurt her? It means I have to protect the reputation I secretly long to destroy?
Always trusts... Now, isn't that going a little too far, Lord? After all, she's been backstabbing me with her critical, fault-finding tongue—and you expect me to trust her? Maybe I really have to start trusting You, trusting that You will work in her heart and life without interference from me.
Always hopes... I guess that doesn't mean to hope for revenge, does it? Maybe this hope is tied up in my trust in God.
Always perseveres... I guess that means I need to persevere in all the other aspects of love until my feelings catch up with my resolve, with my actions.
Love never fails... If I really love her the way God wants me to, my love will not fail even when I am under attack. In fact, loving her the way God does means I will seek her best instead of my own. Hmm. Not something I can do on my own, but something God can help me do because I want to obey Him.
With God, all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26
Scripture quotations on this post are from the NIV, © 1986, 1994
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