For to me to live is...

Cancer can be intimidating, but I have to admit that I have viewed my cancer as more of an inconvenience than a catastrophe. I know a lot of that has to do with my walk with God, with my knowledge of His Word, and the verses that have encouraged me as I've faced surgery and the treatments that followed.

In my previous post, I shared verses that sustained me through my dreaded cystocopy. I then set about memorizing some more passages that I could call upon when I needed them. I even have a spiral bound book of index cards on which I write the verses I am working on so I can review them now and then.

One of those passages is in the first chapter of Philippians:

Yes, and I will rejoice,

for I know that through your prayers

and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ

this will turn out for my deliverance,

as it is my eager expectation and hope

that I will not be at all ashamed,

but that with full courage now as always

Christ will be honored in my body, 

whether by life or by death.

For to me to live is Christ,

and to die is gain.

Philippians 1:18c-21

These verses are so rich! I can't tell you how much I rejoice in the prayers of so many beloved sisters and brothers in Christ, in the sustaining peace and strength the Holy Spirit gives me. I have been delivered from the fear of that ugly word, cancer. I have been delivered from any fear of death. I may even be delivered from this cancer in this life. Or I may experience temporary physical deliverance and then have to face it again, since the form of cancer I have tends to recur. 

I also find myself praying this passage, praying that" I will not be at all ashamed", that I will courageously honor Christ in my body, "whether by life or by death." I pray that when God does call me home, whether in two or twenty years, I will "die well"—not by the world's standards but by God's standards, with confidence and joy as I step through the curtain of death and into the splendor of God's presence.

But what really hit me this morning as I reflected on these verses is the most familiar one: "For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain." I readily assent to the gain of death and I long to say truthfully that "to live is Christ."

I have to ask myself if I really do find in Christ my whole purpose in living. Where is my focus most of the time? Often on my husband, my children, my grandchildren. Or on the things I need or want to do. Not that there's anything wrong with any of those focal points.

But what hit me this morning is how easily I put off my special time with God—and then that time is lost. I might play games on my phone or the computer, allowing them to consume my time and attention. Am I living to play? Or living for Christ? Or I might raid the pantry instead of sitting down with my Bible, instead of spending time talking to God. Am I living to eat, or to honor Christ? Or I might be drawn to that entertaining novel instead of God's Word. Am I living for entertainment? Or for Christ? As we all know, there's nothing wrong with any of those things as long as they don't control our time and consume our energy and keep us from spending time with God.

I pray that I will be able to say, in all truthfulness, that "for to me to live is Christ and to die is gain."