Prepared for Anything, Part II
After high school, I attended a Christian college within easy driving distance of my fiancé. [Yes, I was engaged in high school.] I had chosen music education as my major because I adored my high school music teacher and she encouraged me to pursue that course of study. However, I was not prepared for piano performance. My piano teacher at college was an artist who was very critical but not very constructive. I got worse rather than better no matter how much I practiced. She said my playing reflected fear - and I’m sure it did.
Because music is an emotional field, I was already struggling emotionally when I was deeply hurt by a very dear friend. I became convinced I could do nothing well and that no one liked me. If I passed someone in the hall who did not greet me, I was convinced she didn’t like me. I even told Bob we should break our engagement because I would just ruin his life. He just ignored me.
During this time, I continued to read my Bible, not just for Bible Lit class, but because Bible reading was a priority for me. But I was using it for comfort, not “training in righteousness”. I spent time in Lamentations. After all, didn’t the weeping prophet indulge in periodic pity parties? I felt justified in my attitude. I wasn’t good enough for my friend and I couldn’t measure up in my major.
Then one of the girls in my dorm made an appointment for me with the school psychologist. I was devastated, although in hind sight I realize just how much love she was demonstrating and how much courage it must have taken to tell me what she had done.
Now, you need to understand that I grew up hearing that Christians should never need a psychologist because we have God and we have Scripture. Although today I would say I agree with him in principle, I also realize there are times when we need good biblical counseling. So when this friend came to me, I was shocked. How could I, a Christian, have reached this point?
Anyway, that scheduled appointment sent me to my knees before God. When I opened my Bible to where I had left off, now in Hebrews, I read, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)
Now, that verse is probably not one that would speak to someone else in a similar situation, but I was finally ready for God to heal me of my self-pity, of my self-centeredness, because that’s what self-pity really is. I finally understood that I had been looking to others instead of God for affirmation. I had made people and my abilities—or lack thereof—bigger than God.
Lesson #2: Scripture transforms me and heals my thought patterns when I allow the Spirit to work through its words.
Because music is an emotional field, I was already struggling emotionally when I was deeply hurt by a very dear friend. I became convinced I could do nothing well and that no one liked me. If I passed someone in the hall who did not greet me, I was convinced she didn’t like me. I even told Bob we should break our engagement because I would just ruin his life. He just ignored me.
During this time, I continued to read my Bible, not just for Bible Lit class, but because Bible reading was a priority for me. But I was using it for comfort, not “training in righteousness”. I spent time in Lamentations. After all, didn’t the weeping prophet indulge in periodic pity parties? I felt justified in my attitude. I wasn’t good enough for my friend and I couldn’t measure up in my major.
Then one of the girls in my dorm made an appointment for me with the school psychologist. I was devastated, although in hind sight I realize just how much love she was demonstrating and how much courage it must have taken to tell me what she had done.
Now, you need to understand that I grew up hearing that Christians should never need a psychologist because we have God and we have Scripture. Although today I would say I agree with him in principle, I also realize there are times when we need good biblical counseling. So when this friend came to me, I was shocked. How could I, a Christian, have reached this point?
Anyway, that scheduled appointment sent me to my knees before God. When I opened my Bible to where I had left off, now in Hebrews, I read, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)
Now, that verse is probably not one that would speak to someone else in a similar situation, but I was finally ready for God to heal me of my self-pity, of my self-centeredness, because that’s what self-pity really is. I finally understood that I had been looking to others instead of God for affirmation. I had made people and my abilities—or lack thereof—bigger than God.
Lesson #2: Scripture transforms me and heals my thought patterns when I allow the Spirit to work through its words.
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh
but have divine power to destroy strongholds.
2 Corinthians 10:4
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